What underachievers feel is frequently not what they present to others. Their surface emotions are often shown through defiance, indifference, indignation, contempt, resistance, avoidance, ambivalence, or nonchalance - or, as frequently is the case, some combination of these, and others. Their true feelings, however, are actually more varied and often quite intense. To this extent, underachievers are usually confused about how they feel, but they deny any distress. Underachievers are usually in a vigilant, defensive posture. Their emotions swirl beneath a defended exterior. This allows them to deny their dissatisfaction with their choices and the consequences of those choices, presenting a contrasting indifference. When facing potential negative outcomes, a frequent response is "So … ?" However, underneath the facades are fearful individuals who have many regrets, harbor many uncertainties and who are often confused, angry and feeling inadequate.

Underachievers frequently protect themselves with various defense strategies which allow avoidance of, neglect of, and neutrality to, their own decisions. This is especially true when these decisions impact directly on areas of long-term importance. Their seeming indifference and absence of constructive action temporarily alleviates anxiety for themselves, while putting others off so that concern from others is reduced.

Underachievers internal conflicts take many forms but are frequently seen in the following emotions: fear, uncertainty, discomfort, distress, anger, unhappiness.

Underachievers are often inordinately fearful. These fears may include fear of failure; fear of embarrassment; fear of pain, of being hurt, or of hurting others (emotionally or physically); fear of being different, of seeming stupid, of being misunderstood, of not measuring up, of rejection, disappointment, or loneliness; fear of being independent, of losing what one already has; fear of success; and fear of the unknown or unfamiliar. In addition to these actual fears they are fearful of their fears. They are fearful of what is happening to them. They are fearful that their fears will alienate those who are close to them, cause lost opportunity, and create detachment from the flow of life. They are also fearful of how their fears will effect their futures. They feel an uncertain future which is stark and limited. And they are fearful of being unable to ever feel better. They feel stuck. Their emotions are too ill-defined, yet too intense, so there is a need to defend against all internal emotions because, they feel if they admit these emotions, they will be overwhelmed . . . then things will certainly only get worse. Their perspective is one of ineffectiveness and helplessness. Their fears, while often denied and minimized, are real, strong, and disabling.

Underachieves are usually uncertain. They are uncertain of their ability to change anything. They are also uncertain how to start and proceed with change. They feel inadequate. They are uncertain as to what is going to happen to them. Their lack of a history of effectively engaging situations leaves them without confidence. Choices become obstacles instead of paths to success. Because action is frequently absent, or action is taken without critical thought, predictability of outcomes is reduced, leading to more uncertainty. Underachievers then become preoccupied with the negative aspects of risk. There is much self-doubt. Uncertainty undermines determination, urgency, and commitment.

Underachievers are often uncomfortable. This discomfort is with their reality (low or no efforts yield little) and with others reminding them of their reality, usually by trying to help them. Discomfort is something that underachievers dread; it brings back all those painful emotions and fears. Because of this underachievers quickly run from discomfort. They build elaborate defenses, such as using avoidance, denial, projection, rationalization, repression, and minimization, but they do not cure the problem. Because of their personal ineffectiveness, their unresolved conflict and their deteriorating situation, underachievers experience frequent, often intense, and repeating discomfort.

Underachievers are distressed. They are often drained of energy because the amount of emotional effort that goes into keep up their defenses is enormous. Consequently they are too tired to constructively act, even if they knew how. They feel down on themselves. They are in desperate need of relief from their fears, worries, tensions, but they see no way out. They have lost the ability to see themselves as active agents of positive change in their own lives.

Underachievers are angry. Even though they may present a facade that they have adjusted to their situations, they harbor much resentment. Deep inside they are angry at themselves for their situations; however, they are unable to accept this, preferring instead to project their anger onto authority figures (parents, teachers, schools, businesses, or the government) or onto others who make more productive decisions, have better situations and who are moving forward in their lives. Concerned others, who try to help the underachievers become more productive, often are a "lightening rod" for the underachievers’ anger. This is a reaction caused by the inappropriate use of defenses. Unfortunately this anger often drives away those who are trying to help, leaving the underachiever with even fewer resources and avenues for insight.

Underachievers are unhappy. They are unhappy that they have responsibilities and obligations. They are unhappy with their inadequacy in handling things. They are unhappy with others. They are unhappy that they are being pressured to mature and to respond more appropriately than they do. They are unhappy because their stresses and unending turmoil leave them drained and unable to find lasting joy in life. Even when they say everything is "OK" others can tell that it isn’t so. Moments of fun, gladness, and positive anticipation are hard to find and don’t last long. Life is a burden for these individuals. Overall they seem sad.

To understand underachievers it is necessary to understand their use of defenses. There is nothing wrong with the appropriate use of defenses. We all need them at times. Life would be very harsh without them. Appropriate use of defenses results in stress reduction, positive thinking, appropriate action (after assessment) and personal effectiveness. However, underachievers do not use defenses appropriately. Underachievers are immature in the nature and use of their defenses. Their defenses are utilized too quickly, overblown in scope, and intransigent in attitude. Defending provides temporary relief; however. Because reality persists, these individuals either have to eventually accept reality, or spend even more energy defending themselves. It really would be easier to accept reality and constructively work to change undesirable situations. However, underachievers are stuck in their circumstances. Weighed down by their defensive baggage, they are emotionally unable to accept what needs to be done. Defending allows for denial of what is really happening. However, the cost is a distortion of perspective, energy drain, detachment and a continuous downward adjustment in personal expectations to offset failure and lost opportunity. There is the emergence of negativity in their lives with an over current of cynicism and criticism. An even worse fate awaits these individuals if they do not change, but become no longer able to "defend" themselves. In these cases, if their defenses fail they become overwhelmed, unable to ignore their feelings. While one would hope that this would lead to engagement, constructive decisions and positive change, most likely, this would lead to desperation, depression and self-medication through alcohol or drug abuse. Unless broken, the spiral is downward.

The emotions that underachievers present to others regarding their situations often belie what is occurring inside them. Most underachieves are truly upset by their circumstances, but are unable to affect change themselves. Although the emotions of underachievers are muted and concealed by a defended facades, do not make the mistake of misinterpreting this as not wanting to change. Most everyone wants to do well. Parents and professionals often make the mistake in thinking that because an underachiever does not seem to care and does not appear to want assistance that nothing positive can happen until an underachiever asks for help. More effectively, parents and professionals should take the initiative and actively engage these individuals to facilitate change in their emotional development. Remember, it is the nature of their condition to not ask for help, even though they want it. You wouldn’t put off setting a broken leg, even though the act of setting the break is painful.

Reproduced with permission of:

© Center for Applied Motivation, Inc.